I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
