You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
