You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
