CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
