Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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