guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
