dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
