You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
