she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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