The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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