Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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