I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
