we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
