You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
