Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
