I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
