so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
