well you can't waste a boner
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
