is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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