I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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