i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
