My liver just broke up with me...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
