Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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