The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
