so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So vagazzling was a success
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
