Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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