i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
