He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
