She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
