So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
