just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
