Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
