Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
