Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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