the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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