i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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