I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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