I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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