Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize