I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
