You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
