do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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