Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
