So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
