Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
