a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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