I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
