She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
