she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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