uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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