I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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