you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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