Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
