One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
