Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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