i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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