Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
