I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
