his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
