what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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