i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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