I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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