Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize