you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
