My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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