He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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