I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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