I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
