PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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