I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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