I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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