Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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