My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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