Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
